Falling Like Cigarette Ashes
by whereitallbegins
Summary: au. all cam fisher wanted was alicia rivera. in a matter of six months, he got her. but in the end, she wasn't who his heart yearned for. in ten chapters, cam fisher will tell you the story that changed him forever. cassie. for tess.
1. what started it all

**an: okay, seriously, happy b-day tesseria:) sorry if this took so long Dx**

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My reason for writing this? Because apparently, it's the only way for me to be able to tell anyone about the little conundrum I have situated myself into.

Okay, so I'm the typical horny high school kid. I'm seventeen and I just need the sex, right? Well, that's what I thought at first. But I was literally wrong. Devastatingly illegitimate with the way I saw things in life. But see, my story is something that everyone thinks is the cliché, overdone story. But when you really look at it from my point of view... When you really _experience_ it, that's when you know that it's something different, something that everyone should go through. Okay, I don't even think I'm making any sense here. Let me just tell you everything that happened.

I'm Cameron David Fisher. There's a 99.9% chance that you don't know me, but I want you to know something about me. I thought I loved; I was wrong. Hear me out. This is my chance. Here's my story.

_**Smile at her**_

"_**How can you think that any of this was easy? With all the friends I've lost along the way?"**_

"So, you really wanna get with Alicia Rivera, eh, Cammie?" Josh Hotz asked me. He was splayed on my bed, his eyes focused on his PSP.

I shrugged. "Why? Do you know any possible way I could get to her?" I asked, unsure. I watched as he turned his PSP left and then right, and then violently stabbed at the down button with his thumb. "Jeez, Josh, slow down with the Black Ops."

Josh rolled his eyes and turned it off, tossing it aside. He rested his head on his hands and idiotically smiled at my ceiling. He sighed in what sounded as pure content. "Cammie, Cammie, Cammie. Don't you understand?" He sat up and looked at me with a _duh_ look. "Alicia would never go out with you because you don't go up to her. She likes man that can please her. Someone that will show her a good time."

I cocked an eyebrow. "And how would you know that little piece of information? You've never gone out with her."

Josh smirked. "Yeah, but I'm more of a lady's man than you'll ever be."

I rolled my eyes and threw a down pillow at him. "Shut up, dude. I have just as much game as you do."

Josh guffawed and slapped his knee. "You? Yeah, right, dude, your last date was _last freaking year_. And it was barely a date."

I rolled my eyes again. What Josh didn't know was that I already had a plan to get to Alicia. I was going to get to her through her step-sister, Massie Block. They were as close as hell. So fine, I'm sixteen, Alicia's seventeen and Massie's fifteen. But that's what so sexy about it; is that I feel as if I'm living in a _One Tree Hill_ episode.

I watched Massie Block for the past week. She was cute, I had to give her that. But she looked too... fragile. She looked easily broken. Like if I left her, she wouldn't be able to live. I didn't need clingy. I needed a _real _woman. With _real _womanizing skills. Okay, fine, Massie looked really nice in her plain t-shirt. I mean, it clung onto her every curve and and her jeans fitted her thighs well. But she wouldn't be able to pull off that low-cut v-necked blouse Alicia Rivera was sporting.

I needed to do just _one _thing.

Smile at Massie.

And I'd get her sucking on my... you don't need to know that information. And as I passed by them in the hall, Massie chuckling at something that Alicia whispered in her ear, Dylan Marvil's eyes dancing with joy and Nikki Dalton's laughter ringing down the halls, I stared at Massie.

Stared. Stared. Stared. Stared hard. Glanced at Alicia for a couple of seconds. Stared back at Massie. _Cute, real cute. _Stared. Aha.

Her amber eyes—had I ever mentioned they were amber? Well, they're amber—caught onto mine. I grinned my Cam grin, the one I practiced in the mirror for three years to accomplish, and she completely fell at my knees.

She smiled softly back and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She went back to talking to her three friends, but I knew that I so got her.

She continued glancing my way, but I had already forgotten about Massie. I was now staring at Alicia Rivera's breasts that were spilling out of her freaking shirt.

_Damn, be mine_.

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**Review. **


	2. she could shut me up any time of day

**an: disclaimed.**

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_**Become her friend**_

"_**Oh, oh, oh, how I was supposed to know that you were o-o-over me?I think I should go. Something's telling me to leave, but I won't. 'Cause I'm damned if I do ya, damned if I don't."**_

I stood there nonchalantly, leaning against the wall like some cool protagonist in some Western movie. I heard the door creak open and a flood of students pushed through. I hadn't realized that it was an Honors class. Massie came out last, talking to Kristen Gregory, one of the nerds who loitered around the library. Well, maybe not _loitered_, seeing as that she actually _used _the library.

I waited until Kristen left to talk to Massie. She actually was particularly cute; she had glossy brown hair that reached the small of her back and sometimes served as a nice shield away from her deep amber eyes. She was tiny, too. Or, for me she was. I stood at the height of five feet and nine inches, and she was shorter by six inches. But she wasn't scary skinny, like Olivia Ryan. She actually had a little fat to her, but it made her even sexier.

I followed her and she looked up at me, confusion embedded into her eyes. "Hey," I smiled.

She awkwardly smiled back, tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear and opened her locker. I hadn't even noticed we'd made it there. "Hi. Can I help you?" she asked in that polite tone of hers.

"Yeah, you can, actually."

I actually did it. I convinced Massie to have lunch with me. Oh, it wasn't easy, believe me there. She knows all these tactics of trying to get away from me ("Oh, look, my friend just texted me." "I have to go the office now, the principal needs me." "I'm not that hungry.") but, of course, I found my way around her strategies. I smiled at her from across the small table. She wasn't looking at me.

Her darted around me, searching for someone, for something. A savior, someone to help her get away from me. I was, after all, a stranger who asked to have lunch with her. "So," I started, hoping no one was going to come. My view of Alicia was perfect. She was straight ahead, her hair cascading over her shoulders with so much care that I thought Mariah Carey's make-up artist did it for her. "Your mom re-married to Alicia Rivera's dad, right? And that's how you guys are step-sisters?"

Massie smiled politely, her amber eyes still not meeting mine. She tucked a loose strand of brown hair behind her ear and nodded. "Yeah, that's how it went down."

I nodded, not really understanding, for my focus was stuck on Alicia and the way her glossed lips slowly clamped down onto her fork, capturing the green lettuce into her mouth. Daaaaaaaamn, what I'd do to be that fork. I averted my attention back to Massie who was now looking at me. Or, not at me. She was staring at my French fries, hunger hidden under her eyes. I arched an eyebrow and used my arm to slide it towards her.

She looked up at me, grateful and devoured the entire plate. For some reason, instead of finding that horrendous and disgusting, I found it absolutely adorable. I leaned forward, my focus on her now. "So, you and Alicia are close, right?"

Massie wiped the corners of her mouth with a tissue and she smiled. "Yeah, we are. I'm really going to miss her when she goes off to NYU. Len, my step-dad, Alicia's dad, really wanted her to go to Harvard, though, but my mom convinced him that it was okay wherever she went. I love that my mom and Leesha are really close, y'know? And that Len's pretty cool, too. I mean, after my dad left us..." She cleared her throat and looked up at me. I was surprised to see her amber eyes were sparkling with fresh tears.

I opened my mouth to say something, but she smiled, shutting me up. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that. But just to let you know, I usually don't just talk to anyone. Not that I'm a priss or anything, I mean, I think people who don't talk to everyone are kind of rude because in different individuals, you find different opinions, many other revelations, other things you can work with. That's why I think people are really interesting, however, I'm not one to talk to all of them, which I think is really hypocritical of me to say."

She rambled on and on about different topics; the irrelevance of _Jersey Shore _to what's happening in reality, how Tumblr has basically caused destruction in her life since she's started, and how Chuck Bass is the closest thing to a boyfriend she's ever gotten. And for some reason, I listened to her drone on and on about why she questioned why everyone else found Harry Potter to be a waste of time and why they 'd rather read _People _magazine.

I chuckled at her when she chugged down the bottle of water I bought her. Some water dribbled down her chin and I handed her a tissue. She sheepishly took it and wiped at her chin. "Sorry. I know how much I irritate people with my incessant chatting. It's just that I have a lot to think about, y'know? Like, how do clocks move around? I think it's fascinating, all the different kinds of clocks out there." She grinned again at me and balled the damp tissue, stuffing it into her pocket. Her eyes widened and she looked at me, surprise on her face. "I'm so rude. Here I am talking about myself and what _I _and I didn't even get your name."

I chuckled and shook my head. "It's Cameron Fisher, but—"

"Okay, then, Cameron Fisher, it's been nice meeting you. But I need to skedaddle. I'm part of the Yearbook Club and I'm already late." She stood up and hurriedly gathered her belongings into her arms. She glanced up at me and she grinned again. "I'd love to talk to you again—"

"Then let's," I heard myself say. "Uh, I'll talk to you again tomorrow, okay? I'll meet you at your class."

Her face was frozen at confused, and then softened to understanding. "Okay," she softly murmured. "Sounds like a deal." She smiled at me and I felt the corners of my mouth curving upwards. She quickly swept away and I watched as she did. My eyes quickly turned to Alicia Rivera, who, to my utter surprise was staring at me with her face in a indecipherable expression.

She subtly smiled at me and I half-smiled back. So close, yet so far. Almost there, Cameron, almost there.

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**:)  
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	3. let the games begin

**an: disclaimed.**

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_**Buy her flowers**_

"_**Secret love, my escape, take me far, far away. Secret love, are you near, will you answer my prayer?"**_

_Cam, dude, you know how for the past week you've been hangin' 'round Massie? _

_Uh, yeah, why? You don't like her do you? If you do, I could hook you guys up. _

_No, that's not it, but I do appreciate the offer. Maybe next year. :P However, I was thinking that maybe you should get her something. _

_Like?_

_I don't know, something that chicks dig. _

"_I don't know, something that chicks dig." Are you a character from a 70s show?Fonzi, perhaps?_

_Dude, who the hell is that? No, I'd rather be Michael J. Fox. Anyway, seriously, if you're going to get to Massie, then get her roses. _

_But I'm not trying to get to Massie. I mean, technically, yeah, I am, but it's 'cause I'm trying to get to Alicia. _

_STILL, DUDE. Get her the fucking roses. She'll fall in love with you. Then, you'll get close to Alicia. Cheat on her then. _

_Yeah, that's mean. _

_And so? This whole idea's yours. You're the one being mean in the first place. Now, look, my older sister loves it when she gets roses from her boyfriend. She gushes and she squeals, and she doesn't smack me around. Which means, you should get Massie some roses._

_Really?_

_Really. _

_Okay then. But if she hates them, I'll kill you. And I don't want to get her roses. I'll get her daisies. They remind me of her. _

_Whatever, man. You're such a pansy. _

I watched her open her locker door. The first thing she sees has to be the bouquet of roses I got her. I watch as her expression changes from happy to surprised to confused to joyful to tearful and back again to confused. She dropped her books onto the floor and seized the bouquet, nursing it like a child. She dug into the daisies for a card and she fished it out.

Her eyes flew across the card. She smiled and looked up, her eyes connecting with mine. At that moment, I felt something inside me bubble. Inside, I felt a strange sensation of content that she was happy. She smiled widely and closed her locker door, making her way to me.

Behind her, of course, was Alicia, watching Massie. Her lips were set in an "o" as she stared enviously at the flowers that Massie carried. I smiled at Massie and she shook her head, her curls bouncing.

Alicia turned on her heel and marched off, Dylan right behind her, a worried expression on her face. I stared longingly at the perkiness of Alicia's butt, wondering how on earth anyone that perfect was still in Westchester as a senior and not a Victoria's Secret model.

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**an: i forgot to tell you guys that in the first chapter of this, cam introduces himself as seventeen? i hope none of you guys got confused. that's because he was writing this in the present and i'm ending this story as him being 17. :D sorry for any confusion. **

**review, loves? and thanks for alerting(: **


	4. what us bottomfeeders call the a crowd

_**Be friends with her friends**_

_**"Too much of you is never enough; when you gonna give it up, you're giving me such a rush, come on Holly, would you turn me on?"**_

I, Cameron David Fisher, have officially been talking to Massie Elliot Block for a whole month now. We've been texting each other nonstop, we have a calling schedule, and we even hang out publicly now. I mean, she's all that I've ever been asking for. In a friend, of course. I haven't forgotten my original plan, which I have to say is working on my part.

Again, I wait for Massie outside her third period class, anticipating her bubbly and quirky presence. She comes out as a jumbled mess, her hair in a loose ponytail, strands of hair falling into her face and her backpack barely on her shoulders. I, as usual, grab a hold of her books and and her bag and she lets a grateful breath out. "Oh, gosh, Mr. Myner gave us _a huge packet _of homework due next week Tuesday." She stuck her tongue out as we pushed through into the cafeteria.

We grabbed our lunches—we'd realized one day after continuous patterns of similar food choices that we just needed to share a tray for our lunches—and she led the way to our not usual lunch table. I shot her a questioning look and she smiled smugly. "Come on, you should meet my friends, they've been dying to meet you."

I raised an eyebrow and looked to where her gaze was set. Just to my luck, it was Alicia's table. I felt my hands getting sweatier, my heart beats thumping louder in my chest than usual. We sat down at the occupied table, all heads turning to us. Massie beamed and acknowledged everyone before gesturing to me. "This is Cam Fisher, guys." She poked my side, and then pointed everyone who was present.

"That's Alicia, you know her—"

_You bet I do. _

"And that's Olivia Ryan—"

_Your nose looks fake. _

"Dylan Marvil, my best friend in the world—"

_Ooh, so it's not Alicia who's your best friend, eh? _

"Chris Plovert—"

_Jeez, bucko, what's with the death glare? _

Massie leaned into me and whispered into my ear, "We used to date, back in the eighth grade. My apologies for the looks he gives you." She left the side of my head in a second and continued with the introductions.

"That's Kemp Hurley—"

_You're the one who tried to kiss Massie, you douche. _

"And Derrick Harrington—"

_Oh, the guy who has a thing for Layne Abeley, but has a friend with benefits relationship with Olivia. Interesting to see you here, even if Massie talked about you. _

"And that's pretty much it. They're all amazing people, all good friends of mine. But of course, you're still my closest." She smirked at me and I chuckled back, an odd crackling feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I glanced up only to see Alicia angrily stabbing at her salad. When her eyes locked with mine, she faked a smile and flipped her hair, turning her head to Olivia to gossip about the newest Briarwood Academy news.

I chewed the inside of my cheek and bent my head down next to Massie's who was reading something off of _Emma _by Jane Austen.

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**an: disclaimed. :)**

**review? **


	5. you'll hate this chapter

_**When she's in love with you, cheat on her  
"But I think I'm still tryin' to figure this crap out. Thought I had it mapped out, but I guess I didn't."**_

"I love you, Mass," I whispered into her ear.

"I love you, too, Cam," she giggled back.

Three months of being friends, three months of dating. So far, everything's been working out fine. I've gotten to know Massie really well (did you know that she was sick with pneumonia at only the age of three?) and I actually love talking to her, and she's actually a great kisser (although we've never really made out, just a couple of ten-second long kisses) and her baby brother Todd is fun to play with. We sometimes treat him as our real son; we dress him and feed him and we bring him to the park. The past three months have definitely been my favorite. But still, I'm doing this for Alicia. I'm trying to get _to _Alicia. Yeah, I don't really _love _Massie. It's all just a lie to get to Alicia. Smart, eh? I'd like to think so.

Tonight, I was spending the night with Massie and her friends—yes, and that _does _include Alicia—on Westchester Park grounds for a camping trip Alicia and Dylan planned weeks ago. I snuck into Massie's tent, the one she shared with the snoring Dylan Marvil. And she wondered why she didn't have a boyfriend. I smiled down at her one last time and planted a kiss on her forehead. She whimpered happily and settled into her sleeping bag. "Good night, Cam," she mumbled, her eyes half-way closed.

I chuckled and ran a hand through her soft curls before whispering, "Good night, my love." I backtracked out of the tent and back to my own before I heard a _psst _coming from behind a tree. I raised an eyebrow, thinking that it was Josh. But no, because Josh didn't have long, flowing raven hair and a rack the size of watermelons. I tip-toed to the source of the sound and found Alicia Rivera herself in a huge t-shirt and boy shorts. I think I needed a bucket with all the drool coming out of my mouth.

"H-h-hi, Felicia," I stuttered, mistaking her name.

She chuckled and took slow struts towards me, her hips swaying away like it was nobody's business. I felt my mouth droop open wider and her button nose was a few inches away from mine. Why wasn't I kissing her, then? She smiled, her brown eyes warm and mischievous. I liked mischievous. "So," she breathed, "I love Massie and all, but seriously..." I felt her delicate fingers stroking my chest. Holy damn. "She has _really _good taste in guys." She leaned forward and nipped at my ear. I shivered.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck. _

"Maybe... When you're done with her, I can get a ride? I mean, I know you want _me_, Cam. I see you watching me. But it's fine, 'cause I feel the same way." She shot me an alluring smile, one that could give Jon Cena a heart attack. She leaned in and her lips brushed lightly against the skin on my neck. "We could have a little fun, just you and me. No one's here, right?"

And with that, I couldn't take it anymore. My little Cam hormones couldn't take it anymore. I ripped my shirt off—feeling like Tarzan, whoo—and grabbed her hips, shoving them up against a tree. She giggled and grinded her hips against mine. I clenched my teeth and pressed my lips against hers. The kiss deepened quicker than I expected and soon enough, her shirt was coming off, too. My hands roughly collided with hers as we both tried to make contact with each other. This wasn't easy. She was, er, _smarter _than I was. She knew what to do, and I was just messing it up. But for some reason, she went along with it.

I heard her light whisper in my ear, the hushed, "I want you so bad." It sent my testosterone levels shooting. Soon enough, we were on the ground, her hands expertly maneuvering around me. My hands were just as professional. After a while, you get used to it, the touching, the grinding, the moaning. However, I felt as if we weren't alone. I felt as if someone was watching.

"Alicia, wait," I groaned, pushing her beautiful lips off my chest. She obeyed, hunger in her eyes. Hungry. For me. Wow. Seemed like a joke.

"What, Cam?" she irritatedly questioned, her arms reaching for me again.

I shushed her and threw her my t-shirt. "I think I heard someone," I told her.

She shrugged carelessly and grinned deviously. "Well, let's give them a show, then," she seductively replied.

I gulped, afraid of what was going to happen. Because I knew for a fact, that although my plan was smart, it wasn't well-planned. "Who's there?" I called quietly.

I heard a twig stepped on. Then Alicia whimpered. She hugged my arm. I attempted brushing her off, but she was gripping too tightly. I heard a sniffle. I stood up, freeing myself from Alicia's death embrace. I pulled on Alicia's shirt—jeez, why was she wearing the same shirt size I was?—and pushed the tree branches away from my face. A rustling of leaves. I was getting closer.

I pulled away another tree branch as I met face to face with Massie, her eyes swollen and teary. Her hair covered her face, sticking to the dried tears. She was sniffling, her nose dripping from all the snot she conjured. She swallowed a hiccup and moved her hands over her face, rubbing it.

"Massie," I said, reaching out for her arm. Seeing her like that killed me inside. It felt as if someone smashed a glass bottle against me and used the shards of glass to cut into my veins. Yes, ow, it hurts.. "Massie, I—"

"Save it, Cam," she said. "I just feel sorry that you would cheat on me with my sister. Who knows where she's been." Her face contorted, tears welling again in her eyes.

"Massie, wait, Massie—"

But she ran. She ran, ran, ran. Far away from me. She didn't stop to her tent. She just left. She left me. Where was she going? I needed her. Massie, wait. Hold on, Massie. She needed to stop. She was going to stop, she couldn't run that far without stopping at least once. I needed to explain to her. I needed to get to her. I needed to tell her everything. I needed to tell her—

_Holy fucking God. Holy mother fucking God. I. Fucking... Holy fuckballs. _

I needed to tell her that I had fallen in real love with her.

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**an: disclaimed. **

**Review?  
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	6. i was just trying to save her

_**When someone hits on her, beat the crap out of them  
"Hey ho, let's go. I'm gonna start a riot. You don't want to fight it. One to fuck you, don't tell me what to do. I don't wanna be like you. Can't you see, it's killing me? I'm my own worst enemy."**_

Insert me sighing here. I stabbed continuously at whatever the hell it was that I got off the lunch counter. I looked down; oh ho ho. Surprise, surprise; French fries. The first thing I ever shared with Massie. Now, before you can glare at me, listen first. I tried my hardest to contact Massie, I swear. I called her house, I texted her phone, I tried talking to her in between classes, I've tried looking for her during lunch. Fuck it, _I nearly broke into her house. _

Look, someone needs to listen to me. Fine, you, with the oddly-shaped nose and the haircut that looks like it was styled by Lady Gaga's hairdresser.

I sighed to myself. I needed Massie again. Before her, all I had in life was... Was... Lotion, obviously. Ew. Looking back at it now, I shuddered to myself. Gosh, I can't believe I was the boy who used to... Violate himself nearly every day. And I can't believe I used to stare at girls' legs or breasts. I can't believe I used to be the guy who'd attack a girl just to make out with them. I'd go out with the slutty girls to get something out of them.

I can't believe I'm the guy who fell in love with Massie.

Josh plopped down next to me and shook his head. "Man, dude, Cam, it's been a whole year since you and Massie broke up. Come on, give it up. She's with that Kemp Hurley guy now, it doesn't matter. She doesn't like you anymore, she's moved on." He patted my shoulder and I swatted it away.

He didn't understand. He hadn't found his soul mate. Not yet. I was a senior now, and Massie a junior. Alicia was off attending NYU. She still constantly sent me photos of herelf over Facebook. The girl never knew when to lay off.

I sighed, watching as Kemp drummed his fingers against Massie's arm. He looked down at her with his mouth upturned in a prompt smirk. He leaned down and whispered something into her ear. She giggled.

I watched this exchange between the "perfect couple" happen ever so often. It was disgusting. He'd say something cute like, "We're staying together forever, 'cause I'm not stupid enough to let someone as perfect as you leave my life," and she'd giggle at that, a giggle meant _only for me_.

I sighed again, frustrated. This was getting out of hand. I hated how Massie made me feel. I'd sometimes catch her staring at me during the _one _class we had together (she inspired me to do better, and so now I'm in Mr. Myner's Literature Honors class) and then there were the times that she'd just completely ignore me like I was never there in the first place. And then sometimes, I'd brush my fingers against hers as we passed and she'd turn around to hold my stare. And when I did it again, she'd pull her hand back, I'd think she'd get her elbow sprained from the reflex.

I tightly clenched my hand around my spoon, watching as Kemp stuck his tongue down my Massie's throat. It sickened me. I didn't like anyone getting rough with Massie. I gritted my teeth and looked away and down to my French fries. A drop of water escaped my eye and fell, fell down to them, soaking one lone French fry, off to the side. Tears. I was crying. Again. Tears. More tears. I peered up, only to catch Kemp's eyes searching into Massie's shirt as she was bending down to retrieve something in her bag.

And that was it. The next thing I know, I'm up and about, grabbing Kemp by the collar and smashing his face against the shiny cafeteria table. It's done now. I've completely lost it. I didn't know what to do. My fists pounded into him, feeling the hardness of his chest, his abs, fuck, I drilled my hand into his balls. He deserved it.

Of course, hands pulled me away from Kemp and his bloody nose that I was so close to targeting again. I was dragged away, my vision not so very clear from the punch Kemp got near my eye, I was able to make out Massie standing there in horror, watching me, tears forming her eyes. She shook her head and bent down to Kemp, aiding him. Not me. Him.

I was just trying to help you, Massie.

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**an: disclaimed. and yes, this is ten chapters short. And yes, this is ending a Cassie. okay. bye. dedicated to olive. :) **

**btw, olive and i are re-starting the _Unofficially Official Annual Clique Awards_ again. so, feel free to nominate your favorite authors and whatnot, whatnot by copying and pasting the link: **

**.net/forum/Officially_Unofficial_Annual_Clique_Fanfic_Awards/85452/**

**thank yoooou:) **

**Review? **

**Love, **

**americka :)**


	7. cross your fingers for me

_**Try and win her heart back  
"And now it's not the same with you away. Just holding onto hope to save my days. I won't survive, so just stay with me tonight and try."**_

**Cfisher101: Dude, what do I do? I mean, she already hates me for nearly killing Kemp the other day. **

**JoshTheMan: Dude, I don't know, man. This is your fault. I don't even know why you'd want to try and get back with Massie. Seriously, man, there are all these girls that are writing on your Facebook wall that wanna get with you. After that fight, dude... Man, you're famous. :D**

**Cfisher101: Dude, shut the fuck up. Look, Massie's important. I need her with me again. You don't understand. **

**JoshTheMan: -sigh- Fine. Sorry. And you're wrong. I do understand. You just wouldn't know 'cause you're busy with Massie. But whatever. I've been dating this chick named Nikki Dalton. And dude, I think she's the one. Seriously. She's just perfect. And I can't live without her. So you know what, I'll help you. **

**Cfisher101: Really? That's great man. I'm glad. And I know, dude, I'm sorry about this. I just.. I just need Massie to listen to me, okay? **

**JoshTheMan: Yeah, dude, I got it. I mean, if Nikki and I... If we didn't talk, jeez, that'd be bad. D; **

**Cfisher101: Haha, you've got it bad, eh? **

**JoshTheMan: You don't even know the beginning, dude. XP **

**Cfisher101: Hahaha, well, I kind of already sort of know, it's a pretty big topic, you being "the man". XD Anyway, I kind of already know how I'm going to get back with Massie...**

I sighed and sat there, under the moonlight. I looked over at Josh who nodded with his guitar in his hand. See, the thing is, I can sing and can't play an instrument to save my life, while Josh can play the guitar with the voice of Fabio. So, it's kind of win-lose, sorta. I nodded at him and he nodded back, getting ready to play. He made sure he wasn't seen by Massie who was upstairs, typing at her computer and every now and then glancing glumly at her phone.

I licked my lips and cleared my throat, giving Josh the thumbs-up gesture.

"_Today is a winding road, that's takin' me  
To places that I didn't want to go, whoa.  
Today in the blink of an eye  
I'm holding onto something  
And I do not know why I tried._

"_I tried to read between the lines  
I tried to look in your eyes  
I want a simple explanation  
For what I'm feeling inside.  
I gotta find a way out.  
Maybe there's a way out. _

"_Your voice was the  
Soundtrack of my summer  
Do you know you're unlike any other?  
You'll always be my thunder." _

It continued on like that until the end of the song, me singing my heart out to Massie, Josh swaying to himself to the side, his face silhouetted perfectly with the shadows that danced around Massie's house. I hung onto every word, meaning every single word that escaped my mouth. It was hard. I started tearing when I saw her beautiful face peer out into the open. I was so scared that she'd fall. That there was someone behind her watching, Alicia maybe, and would push her off. That a random wind blowing buy would be dominant enough to pull my Massie out from her spectator's point. But I remembered that if Massie Elliot Block ever fell...

I'd be there to catch her.

"_And I said, your eyes  
Are the brightest of all the colors  
I don't ever wanna love another  
You'll always be my thunder._

"_And I said, your voice was the  
Soundtrack of my summer  
Do you know you're unlike any other?  
You'll always be my thunder.  
So bring on the rain,  
Oh, baby, bring on the pain  
Listen to the thunder."_

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**an: disclaimed.**

**Review?  
**


	8. that's not what i hoped for

_**Fail at winning her heart back  
"'Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down. You sing a sad song just to turn it around. You say you don't know, you tell me don't lie. You work on a smile and you go for a ride. You had a bad day, the camera don't lie."**_

"Fuck. You. Fisher. Don't you _dare _come back here and think that I'm going to fall for you again, Cameron. 'Cause I'm _not_. I'm done with you and your lame attempts at trying to get me back. I _don't want you _anymore, Cam, because I don't love you. I need you to stay away from me because there's just too much hurt, Cam. I'm done with douches like you who think they can go around stealing girls' hearts and not even giving them the fucking opportunity to take it back. You're a fucking ass, Cam. If you wanted my fucking loser of a sister, you could've just asked." She shook her head, tears filling her eyes. "I feel bad for the next stupid girl that'll fall for your daisies and love letters. Asshole."

**-:-**

I fell face first into my pillow, not even caring anymore. That was it. It was done. She didn't love me anymore. She said it to my face. She didn't love me. She didn't want me. I needed to forget her. She'd obviously forgotten about me. It was done. I was done. We were done.

… But see, the thing is, I didn't want to be done.

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**an: told you, short chapter. barely even a chapter. the top is massie's reaction. the bottom, cam. hopefully you all got that. but anyway, just wanted to say that this is only two chapters off and running, and then we're done :)**

**GO CHECK OUT THE UNOFFICIALLY OFFICAL ANNUAL CLIQUE AWARDS. the link is on my profile. yes, dez and i are doing it together :) **


	9. i'm wanting it, i need it

**an: why, hello there, love:) disclaimed. **_**

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**_

_**Watch as she goes off with someone who'd treat her right (or in this case, someone who'd be there for her)  
"I wish my life was this song 'cause songs, they never die. I could write for years and years and never have to cry. I'd show you how I feel without saying a word. I could wrap up both our hearts, I know it sounds absurd." **_

Watching Massie...

Her beautiful amber eyes glanced up at Kemp's gleaming, scheming eyes, his eyes searching, lusting for more from her.

Her laugh, her tiny giggles that escaped her mouth with freedom rang into my ear. But it wasn't for me, it was for Kemp. What Kemp said, what Kemp did.

Her lips that laid kisses on his cheek, that shared a kiss with me once, twice, eleven times to be exact, now were pressed against Kemp's cheek. Kemp didn't allow for that, though, and pressed his own lips to hers.

I crushed my fork in my hands.

Josh asked me to slow down. Nikki was with him. She was nice. Long, dark hair, hazel eyes, fit perfectly under the crook of Josh's arm. Envy. I felt envy. Jealousy, anger, selfish-ness. I wanted what Josh had. I needed what Josh had.

But I was never going to get it 'cause Massie was over me. She was over us. I ruined it all. She was done with us. She didn't want anything to do with me.

That's why I wanted what Josh had.

He had love.

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**an: did you enjoy this chapter? i hope so. this is the next to last chapter. and don't worry, i'm not like olive who says that, and there are still a couple of more chapters left. :D anyway, review again? :) **

**love, **

**rickyyyy**


	10. how this'll end for us

**an: ahhh, the last chapter D; disclaimed, per usual. :)**_**

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**_

_**TELL HER HOW I FEEL. DUH.  
"When I see your smile, tears roll down my face, I can't replace. And now that I'm stronger I've figured out, how this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul. And I know I'll find deep inside me, I can be the one." **_

I couldn't handle it anymore. I didn't want to handle it anymore. So I did the only thing that I knew: I talked. On the last day of school before Christmas Break, a pep rally gathered the students into the auditorium. I sat next to Josh, watching as Massie, only two rows down, was snuggled into Kemp's chest. But of course, the notorious asshole had other things up his sleeve. From behind his chair, his fingers were laced with Cassidy Elton's, the local idiot.

I sighed and closed my eyes, earphones into my ear.

"_Oh, Florida, please be still tonight.  
Don't disturb this love of mine.  
Look how she's so serene,  
You've gotta help me out.  
And count the stars to form the lines,  
And find the words we'll sing in time_

_I wanna keep her dreaming,  
It's my one wish I won't forget this." _

My eyelids flew open and I shook Josh who had his tongue down Nikki's throat. He looked at me with wild eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked, Nikki from behind.

I beamed and stood up, leaving the row of people behind and entering the back of the stage. Behind was Mr. Arson, the school principal. Over the course of four years I had been here, we had grown closer, finding that we had much in common. Of course, he knew about my current conflict with Massie. "Mr. Arson," I called.

"Cam," he said, looking up from his stack of papers. "Fancy seeing you here," he teased.

I shook my head and walked right up to him. "Remember when you said that if ever I needed your help with anything, I could come up to you?"

Mr. Arson arched an eyebrow and nodded slowly and questioningly. "Uh-huuuh..."

I took a couple of steps out onto the stage, the bright lights blinding me. Slow tremors ran through my arm that held onto the microphone. My hand was so sweaty, I was scared that I would drop it. I lifted it up to my mouth and said, "My name's Cameron David Fisher. There's a 99.9% chance you don't know me. But I want you to know something about me. I thought I loved; I was wrong. Hear me out. This is my only chance. Here's my story."

And as quick as my mouth opened, the story flowed out like a leaky faucet. My plan, my lusting after Alicia, my happiness around Massie, my idiocy in not acknowledging the fact that I had fallen in love with Massie, how angry I was that Kemp had her and I didn't...

"And I just need you to know, Massie Elliot Block, that I _do _love you. 100% genuine love. And it hurts me to see you with Kemp. Because Massie... I need you. I want you. I want us to be together. I don't want to hear anymore _Kempsie_. I want _Cassie_, or _Mam_, or whatever we are. I want us to be in love, to feed each other ice cream and then accidentally swipe it on each other's noses. I want to listen to you, everything, anything you have to say. I want to be your Superman. I want to hold you at night and listen to your heart beating. I want to buy you so many flowers that if you summed it all up, we could give one to everyone in this school and still have leftovers. I want to be able to tell you that I love you. To sing to you at night. To be an epic fail as I ask you to marry me. I want everything for us, Massie. I want you."

I stared into the crowd, my multi-colored eyes searching for the girl I had fallen for. But, fuck it, she wasn't _there. _What. The. Hell. I sighed and slumped downwards, feeling all heavy sadness on me again. I dragged my feet along the smooth platform of the stage as I exited, disappearing behind the red velvet curtains.

"Cam?" an angelic voice whispered from behind me. I knew that voice anywhere.

I whirled around and saw Massie, standing with her hair shielding her beautiful, angelic face from me. I frowned and took a step closer, brushing it away and tucking it behind her face. She looked up at me, tears in her eyes. I bit my bottom lip. I caused those tears. I'm the reason why she's so broken. Why she's so hurt. No, no, she's not hurt. No, no, she is hurt. Agh, bipolar-ness.

"I was hurt so bad when I saw what you were doing with Alicia," she whispered, not looking at me.

I nodded and touched my forehead to hers. Hers was cold. I took her hands and they were ice cold as well, burning my own warm fingers. I held them, her tiny hands, in my own, warming them for her.

"And... And I thought you loved me, Cam." Her voice broke. Hearing her telling me this stabbed at me. I swallowed and clenched my teeth together. Why, why, why did I do that? I broke her. I broke me. I broke us.

"But you didn't love me," she whispered. I felt her warm breath tickle my skin.

I finally opened my eyes to meet her glassy amber ones. I wrapped her arms around me, internally chuckling at the fact that I was still so big that she couldn't wrap her arms all around, and took her gentle, poetic face into my hands.

"I was stupid, Massie. I'm sorry for all of that. I didn't mean it. But... I did love you. I still do. I probably always will. And, I know how much it hurts, Massie. To see you with someone else. But... I never meant for you to get hurt. I never meant for you to cry. I never meant to fall so hard for you."

Massie nodded into my chest. I felt her tears soaking into my shirt. I leaned my head on top of her and whispered, "But I swear, I'll be here now. I'll be here to love you. I was always there. I just want you, Massie. Your the only girl for me. Ever. I need to tell you that. I need to tell you that I want to be with you. Forever and ever, and whatever comes to us after that." I again took her face and looked her straight in the eyes. "I want for us to stay together because I believe in us so bad. I wanna bring you to Rome and marry you there, like you said you wanted. I want to bring you everywhere, anywhere. Because wherever you go Massie, I'll be there. A couple of steps behind you along the way. I'll take your hand when it hurts, I'll kiss your bruises away and I'll beat the next punk who hurts you. I just need you to know that this time, I swear on my life, that I'll do it all right."

**-:-**

So, there it is. That's my story. That's what happened to me. That's all I have to say. That's all I can give you right now. And yeah, it's cheesy and gross and shit, but hey, that's what I went through. I'm sorry if you think that it's bull, but it's not. I really, really think that the hell that I went through without my Massie... I think that in the end, right now, it's all better. It's all good. I'm good, she's good.

Oh, yeah, did I tell you that we're getting married? Haha, yeah, we're getting married. Okay, fine, I don't know that for sure since I'm only seventeen, but... Well, Massie and I, we're just two birds of the same feather, you know? Without her, I wouldn't be able to survive this jumbled messed up world we call life. After that night, it was just another crazy ride of love again. Insert dreamy sighing shit here. Well, I guess I'm off now. Thanks for listening to me. Thanks for putting up with my insanity. And, most of all, thanks for not judging me. I love you, whoever you are, reading this. BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE MASSIE. Heh. Sorry.

PS: If you did judge me, well... Jeez, I was only 16, you can't blame me!

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**an: i'm sorry, i really am. i don't really know how to nail endings. :( well, to everyone who put up with this story, you guys... are just some of the most amazing people in the world. :) you've kept up with this story till the end, and seriously, this is for each and every single one of you. :)**

**to lisa: thanks for reviewing this, even if i was all, "NO, YOU DON'T NEEED TOOO." but you were so nice about it. you rock for that.**

**to olive: YOU DUNK AT LIFE, GO AND GET ON AT GET A LIFE DOT ORG. feeling like tarzan, whoo! xD [but you know, i really do love you, dude, you were my driving force for this story :)]**

**to tasharoo: thanks so much, dude, for reading this story and excusing my horrible writing skills. your reviews were always the ones i anticipated, 'cause you always made me laugh. and you never give cr!p reviews, sweetie :)**

**to hannah: THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU, dear, you're just the best ever, 'cause in every review, it made me want to update _just for you_. :) you're amazing, poe face. **

**to _Lost in the Starlight_: thanks so much for the support, dear. :) you were an amazing reviewer. :)**

**to jasmin: ahhh, one of my friends, thank you, dear, for reviewing and wanting to talk to an insane person such as i. :) and i'm sorry i haven't pm'd you back yet :O i'm a lazy buuum. teehee xD**

**to _whats cookin good lookin_: first time i saw your penname, i giggled. :D thanks so much for the reviews, dear. :) **

**to darling: thanks for everything, sweetie. :) you always had some of the best reviews. :) **

**to _HopelesslyDevoted76_: :) thanks so much for reading my story, dear. you're amazing. :)**

**to tess: PSH, YOU REVIEWED, LIKE, TWO TIMES. no, i'm totally kidding. :) this is for you, dear. AND YOU MISSED OUR ANNIVERSARY. ugh. **

**to _Believe. In. Faith_: thanks so much :) and, dude, YOU ROCK MORE. :)  
**

**to _DancingintheRayne_: i had always wanted to ask, is your name rayne? coo' name, bro. :) anyway, thanks for reading _falling like cigarette ashes_. :) **

**to bianca: oirjerjceritjrt, I NEED TO SEND YOU AN E-MAAAAAAAILLLL. and... yeah, whatever, thanks for reviewing... xDDD i looooove yeeewwww :) [and you NEED TO SHOW ME THAT PICTURE, DUDE :O] **

**to _J. A. W-osaurus_: thanks so much :) **

**and, that's everyone. i have officially made this longer than it has to be. :) and i don't own _anything_. just the plot and the format. i don't own any of the songs: mayday parade, all time low, eminem, american hi-fi, amber pacific, daniel powter, secondhand serenade and the red jumpsuit apparatus own the songs that i used. :) **

**well, this is it. again, THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU. you were all wonderful reviewers. now, to move on with my next project, the companion to this story, "_10 Things A Fisherwoman Should Know_". It won't be up until _tomorrow _when i post up the last chapter of htdh. :) **

**review, once more? [and sorry for the long a/n xP ]**

**-feeling like tarzan, whoo! **

**ericka:)  
**


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